One hit wonder and 90’s musician Vanilla Ice was arrested and charged with burglary and grand theft in Palm Beach County this week. According to news reports, Ice was renovating a nearby home as a part of his DIY television show “The Vanilla Ice Project” where he and his crew renovate and flip homes. According to the police, Ice is accused of burglarizing an unoccupied dwelling and stealing a pool heater in addition to several pieces of furniture sometime between December 2014 and February 2015. Several of the allegedly stolen items were later found in his home. The Lantana Police Department released a statement saying that “during the investigation, it was determined Robert Matthew Van Winkle (your buddy Vanilla Ice) played a role in the burglary and theft. Mr. Van Winkle is currently renovating the residence adjacent to the property in which the items were stolen. A search warrant was obtained and executed in unincorporated Palm Beach County in which several of the stolen items were recovered at a residence under the care and control of Robert Van Winkle.” There you have it. Every mid 30’s, slightly overweight white kid from middle America should just fall to their knees and pray now for a swift and favorable resolution to our childhood idol’s case. As if it weren’t enough that Ice only enhanced our lives with one damn song, now he’s accused of doing very basic crap like flipping homes. Now this. Here is what I have to say to you Ice so please stop, collaborate and listen…
Ice, I will represent you FOR FREE. Granted I’m a Tampa criminal attorney rather than a Palm Beach criminal lawyer but let’s not quibble. If you’re accused of jacking a pool heater and skunky furniture from a house in foreclosure, to hell with calling Saul, get Jason. Beggers can’t be choosers here Ice. The allegations against you aren’t good. If the burglary of an unoccupied dwelling sticks you’re looking at possibly hanging in and putting on rap shows in the Department of Corrections for up to 15 long, terribly boring years. To make matters worse, if you try to renovate your jail cell you might be charged with escape under Florida Statute 944.40 and have additional time added on to your prison term, again up to 15 long years. That’s brutal for simply wanting to knock out a wall isn’t it? And what about the grand theft charge? How much was that stuff worth? Less than $20,000? If so you’re in better shape that if it’s $20,000 or more. Less than $20,000 could get you up to 5 years in the pokey, while $20,000 to $99,999.99 could get you up to 15 years. If it’s $100,000 or more then I’m officially erasing all of my childhood memories of slam dunking my Nerf basketball and honing my baller skills as a 10 year old while you rocked the mike like a vandal on my cassette player. Is this how you want to be remembered!?!?
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